Lost my faith in humanity

Becoming a parent is probably a feeling only one who is a parent can explain and understand.

From the day that child arrives you swear to protect them till the day you die. Trust me I know my children are not angels but anyone ever lay their hand on my child I’ll kill.

In recent news here in South Africa we’ve been told a women is raped every 3 seconds. A child is abused every 5 and the list continues, but when you put the two together and statistics start making headlines of children being raped my blood boils.

A story we’ve all been following has really taken Centre stage this week, although this hideous act is being committed more than we know terrifies me. In the rural areas I know this happens a lot and some stories don’t even make the news and it starts to become the norm. But please someone tell me HOW can one have such sick thoughts about a child,thoughts that many have put into action. It sickens me to the thought.

This recent story has hit home as I watch my beautiful little girl grow. How many of us moms frequent our neighborhood restaurants without even thinking twice. At age 6 we are teaching our kids to be independent and do a lot on their own, Now we can’t even do that.

How a vile, evil spawn may sit just in front of them watching our children like prey and awaiting their chance to attack.

We had to be tortured with pictures of children being kidnapped and sold on the child trafficking market, now pictures of this recent event actually keeps me up.

An innocent 6 year old girl attends to the bathroom and gets snatched from the ladies and violently raped in the men’s bathroom where her attacker knew deep down he would get caught how would he not, and he didn’t care any way his urge was so strong that he forces a 6 year old baby child to have sex and leaves her broken, shivering, naked and bleeding from the groin. What kind of animal is surfacing into our society, and was this his first?

He should have died that day as many civilians tried to kill him, I know in all honesty I would have. My husband and I cannot even discuss the topic as he says to me how this only infuriates him and how he would shoot to kill.

How could one keep this man alive? Although I don’t think it will be for very long. I pray he feels the wrath of the Lords vengeance against him not even God would give penance. I know his justice will come. But this does not bring this beautiful child’s innocence back.

He’s scarred her emotionally and physically as well as physiologically for the rest of her life. Trust she will never have. Trust in a man she will never learn. Fear, guilt pain are all these things she will suffer more intensely the older she gets.

How I wish circumstances were different as I watch my beautiful children and feel so blessed to have them healthy and happy and unaware of the filth in this world.

Yes they need to be aware but at 6 how do you explain to a child the means of these circumstances and the severity of going to bathrooms alone.

It just sickens and saddens me that this poor family have suffered this ordeal and it’s just the beginning.

Hold onto your children safely there are predators everywhere even when we think we are safe we are not.

Praying Gods protective hands heal as much as they can to all those who have suffered from circumstances like this and can only pray he will keep mine safe.

Holding onto my children tonight I have never been more thankful and blessed.

Take care all xx

Warm wishes xxx

When you’re a mom:

When you’re a mom you learn certain superhero techniques, and also thinking back about a lot of the stuff we used to take for granted, so since becoming a mom I’ve :

New born stage

. Learnt to cope on 3-4 hours sleep

. Learned to sleep with one ear open

. Learned to multi task like an octopus

. Learned to bath in under 5 min

. Learned to nap standing up

. Learned to leopard crawl out the baby’s room without even a sound

Time is probably the biggest thing I took for granted before being a mom, I actually don’t know what I’d be doing if I wasn’t doing something for my family,

It scares me for when they don’t need me as much anymore

Toddler phase

. Learned to never underestimate my child

. Learned that 5 min of them quiet can be world war 3 anywhere in the house

. Learned that going to the loo, bathing and anything I once did alone is now a group effort

. Learned that both children must always have the exactly same thing, coloured cups or plates, toys or any special gift as they always want what the others got

. Learned that you never fight with a 3 year old you always come out second best

. Learned to pick my battles wisely and only enforce what is totally necessary

. Learned that if they want to wear the same shirt three days in a row a night is just enough to do an entire load of washing and dry it

. Learned that doesn’t matter how hard you try they will always find the carrot

. Learned that sugar is evil even the smallest amount

. Learned that the broom is my best friend

. Learned that the word no can cause catastrophic reactions

. Learned to never leave scissors, cream or anything quite so appealing unattended or the three year old unattended

. Learned that no matter what I always have extra hands trying to help fix up “mess”

. Learned to be the best negotiator ever

. Learned that no never really means no

.Learned that as a mom you’re never allowed to be sick or that nothing changes when you are

I’ve learned that no matter what I will always have 2 of my biggest fans right beside me and whenever I need a pick me up I can have unconditional love, hugs and kisses,

That dishes can wait and no matter how hard you try there will always be a mess somewhere in the house,

I too have learnt that I can do everything perfectly one day and the next the exact same thing is just wrong,

I sometimes doubt myself and question my efforts as a mom, thinking I’m the cause of certain problems but then realize they are exploring, learning and testing boundaries too.

I’ve learnt to embrace every single one of these things looking back and learnt to laugh and remember those days as they pass so quickly and I’ll be longing for the day my toddler did something I thought was atrocious instead of waiting up till 2 am for them to come home.

I hope all these collection of memories build us up to handle what is coming….

I’ve learnt that since becoming a mom you can’t take things too seriously and sometimes shit happens excuse the pun,

Motherhood ain’t for sissies and I’m a better person for it !!

So much more to come and embrace❤️

Warm wishes all xxxx

To my princess

Something for the little lady in my life:

God knew I never had a sister who I could call my best friend, so he sent me you and we have been connected from the beginning and I pray till the end,

Your innocence, soft touch and constant love, kisses and carefree ways, have made me want to freeze these days,

Dressing you up like my little doll in the cutest most precious things, has made even the toughest of days only blessings,

You’ve filled the void that was present before I had you, now there’s nothing for you I wouldn’t do,

Your personality is mix of warrior and princess, and your actions always leave a mess,

But you creep into and melt even the hardest of souls, and your tenderness is even shown to your little dolls,

I’m so excited to share our future memories of all life’s highs and lows, I’ll be here for you even when your friends become foes,

I love your optimistic and easy going attitude, your likable nature would kill any feud,

I thank God for putting you in my life and making me your mommy, I love you even when you don’t want to say sorry,

Stay the little princess you are, and you’ll knock life out the park by far,

I can’t hold you back forever, but I’ll be right behind you every step of the way and leave never,

Never fail Mommy will be here no matter what, even when you feel you’re in a rut,

It’s been an honor to hear your words of Mommy I love you, you can never say this to few,

Now I know why my mommy was always right, as till this day we are are still tight, she’s my best friend now, then and forever will be, I do hope you know all I do will be so one day you to will see,

Be the strong independent women I know you are, I hope your reflection is seen to be the most perfect by far.

Love always to my little girl XX

My first born

Trying out a little poetry inspired by my blessings:

From the moment I knew you were there, I felt our connection,

I wanted to give you everything, you were the object of my affection,

Watching you grow has been a journey we share, some nights when you’re asleep I just stop and stare,

You light up my life day in and day out, when we’re apart not a minute passes that I don’t worry about,

Your future, your safety, your education and well being, you’ve given my life new meaning,

Having a son is truly a blessing from above, how can I not fill your days with pure love,

Your stubborn traits and personality mimic mine, which sometimes puts you in situations that are not fine,

I pray only for your happiness, health and a family for you too one day, but until then our home is yours and will be forever when you come to stay,

There’s still so much I need to teach you and show you, together new journeys we will do,

You are kind and gentle to all you meet big or small, I will be here always when you fall,

I encourage you to be true to who are, and I promise you this your humbleness will take you far,

These moments I’ll cherish forever in my heart, as you have been my TRUE love straight from the very start.

Warm wishes xx

Mommy guilt

From the day I found out I was pregnant there was this ” Mommy guilt ” I started to feel. This feeling of never being good enough or feeling you’re not doing enough to be the best you can be.

It never goes away.

Now years on this Mommy guilt just gets worse.

Taking the stress out of my everyday should mean that my patience jar should be absolutely empty, right? And I should never feel guilty as I should always be happy and patient ?? Nope !

Well being a mom is not that easy, sometimes I guess we forget that we are human too.

Best time of day waking my children up and seeing them surface in the early morning, nothing better than waking my babies up with a hug, kiss and plan to be the best mom I can be that day.

Forgetting the day before and starting fresh.

Next best part is fetching my children from school. This has always been my favourite time of day. Seeing them playing in the playground and noticing their Mommy is here to fetch them, not late and not stressed, ready for an afternoon together is what I’ve always prayed to be able to do. The relief I feel when I’m able to do this is amazing. The worst fear I have is not being there for my children when they expect me or think it’s me they’re going to see and it’s not. That is why I strive to make sure their little hearts are secure in knowing it will be me they see when it’s time to go.

Once our afternoons are in motion obviously the normal stresses of the day creep in. The siblings have their love/hate relationship and slowly you can feel yourself about to loose it.

This is not the mom I want to be. That is why I am giving myself so much time so when these moments arise I’m able to cope without throwing my toys out the cot too. Easier said than done.

Although 100 hundred times better from when I was a full time working mom I still tend to loose my marbles at times. This is what I am now working on each day.

There are ways and means of handling a situation without your kids thinking their mom needs the nut house.

There have been many not proud Mommy moments in the past which I have learnt from. I had so much guilt from not Being there for my children that now that I am surely all else will/ should fall into place. I really do think slowly this is happening or my children are getting older or we just learn how to handle situations better ?

Whichever it is I’m striving for going to bed with a clear happy and proud conscience. The mom they’ve always needed me to be.

I do believe every Mommy is human and we all have our faults, that is also why I play no judgement to the way other moms do things but I Also believe our children are our replicas and for them to be productive adults one day they can only learn from us.

So when I watch my child sleeping in my arms and this horrid Mommy guilt from the day has creeped over I also know that I’m only doing my best and that tom I will try harder, not only by being the best example I can for my children but I have a responsibility to raise polite and well rounded children not just now but for one day when they’re on their own starting their lives I know I’ve done all I can to give them the tools and building blocks to achieve their true potential and to be the best human being they can be.

I’m teaching my children to be Humble, Strong, Educated and overall a beautiful person inside and out making them believe that nothing is out of reach and mountains are to be climbed, with the confidence in knowing when they fall ill be right there to get them up again and start over.

This I feel is our job as mothers to build our children up to attainable goals physically and emotionally showing them how to create their life’s journey and to walk the path a few steps behind them.

If i get this right I know that “Mommy guilt” will be at bay and other worries can take over.

I know being a mom we will never be satisfied and truly our job is never done but this is what I signed up for and what brings me joy and heart ache at the same time. I know there’s so much to still come and so much to still learn and so so much to remember and cherish !!

Truly the most amazing gift God can give so mommy guilt I’ll have any day if it means having my children and I’d do it over and over again.

My job is not to be their friend but to show them what a friend can be.

And most importantly not to be hard on oneself about the mistakes as there will always be it’s how we learn to keep our guilt at bay by learning from previous situations to make the future ones smooth sailing…..

Warm wishes to all the beautiful mommies out there.

Decisions

As any family when it comes to those big decisions it must be a joint effort.

Deciding to say goodbye to my 15 years of teaching and starting life as a mom I must say was the biggest one our family has ever made.

When making this decision even though it being the toughest one yet and one I was quite not ready for at this point I had come to peace with it.

Opportunities started to fly in all over, wow I actually was wanted. But remembering why I decided to try start something from home needed to be my reminder. Actually just being able to be there for my children in any situation is actually why we made this choice and should be the center of any thoughts going forward.

I really do wish there was a crystal ball which we could ask questions into and it told us wether we were going the right way or not.

Financially starting a new job would benefit our family as well as keeping me busy and stimulated. But going back into the same arena I can’t. Something just doesn’t feel right. It may be the only thing I know but maybe that is what got me complacent to begin with.

I need to start working smart and think out of the box and give myself peace of mind that the reasons I’d be doing this is for my children. As already I know there is no perfect job out there but doing what works for our family is where I’m headed.

Taking up a new course might be on the horizon for the new year. But stressing myself out on what if’s is not going to get me anywhere.

I’ve decided to give myself the year to find out what it is my family needs as well as myself. Taking this time not to jump into something so soon as I’m free and giving myself this time to grow emotionally, as well as becoming a better mom, wife and person all round.

Trusting once again in the universe that this is where I’m meant to be and that my path is being paved I am once again confident in this. I know the same equal opportunities will come up, the right ones that suit us all.

Just like finding a home, or school for my children I’ll know it’s right when it comes along.

Obviously trying to also be my own boss and to start something I enjoy from my home would be ideal and this is where my thought process will be going.

Turning down recent opportunities with humility is what I’ll be doing. At times it’s like everything happens all at once or nothing at all. But by giving yourself time is ok.

I will embark on my own physical journey to bettering myself this week and I know a lot more becomes clearer when you are happy inside and out about yourself.

I feel being true to your family and who you are is what is needed to guide you and hopefully the rest falls into place. Putting my journey back into the hands of Angels I’m happy, confident and positive this is the way to go.

Sometimes it might not be what you thought you would be doing with your life, but one thing I’ve realized is happiness is key. Being happy and fulfilled in your work is just as important as being happy in your home and I do believe it is possible.

……. the journey once again continues ……..

Xxxxx warm wishes

Suicide hour

So this is one for all my fellow mommies,

Please tell me I’m not alone in the fight against suicide hour/s.

So when our children are born and as tiny as can be they cry. Right? All babies cry! This uncontrolled crying has been labeled as colic- the direct definition is a baby crying for an amount of hours for no particular reason. As moms we accept this and realize it will one day stop, but does it ? Or is this phenomenon only now disguising itself as something else, and we continue to just give excuses for it. “She must be hungry”

“He might be getting sick”

“Mabey they’re just tired”

At toddler age especially after the age of 5 they can tell you what they are feeling but sometimes they actually just don’t know why?

This we now label as a tantrum!

Ok so we leave them to get over themselves because they cannot get their own way or they’ve gotten upset over something.

Funny how this all usually is most prevalent in the evenings. Just as mom and dad want to get the evening tasks done, homework, bathing, cooking and cleaning up our toddler throws a spanner in the works.

This hour or more before and after bath time when this usually happens is called suicide hour.

No better way to put it. So you pick your munchkin up from school been told about their happy day and how clever they are even accompanied are pictures of your little “angel” smiling and loving life. Wow “what a lovely day you had” you say. The first answer I usually get is “hi Mommy where are we going, can we go to the shop,” and one simple no has started off a string of tantrums in a row. ” “you’ve played all day honey it’s now time to calm down make dinner bath and relax early in bed for another beautiful day”

Omg if only it were that simple??

So our evening usually takes that dreaded turn before bath time,

Begging them to get in, begging them to get out, then begging them to get dressed, more so for my toddler trying to get her to hold still while I dress her.

Once we’ve accomplished that it can be touch and go from here.

“Mom I’m hungry” but at this point we’ve just had dinner cleaned up brushed teeth! ” no angel we’ve eaten already it’s now wind down time” well you can just imagine how well that goes down.

So we are nearly there all this crying surely should make one quite tired right, so not? So now bed time approaches and it’s another act of tears and dramatic efforts to beg mom to add another 5 mins before they need to sleep time. Nope consistency is key so it’s off to bed.

After the bathroom trip a couple of times, the changing of stories a million times, the thousand prayers and water drinking, the lights go off !

A good 15-30 if Lucky it’s complete silence and negotiations wait for a new day.

Wow someone give me a high five we made it!!

That’s how I feel every evening, but setting all these little obstacles aside there is nothing more rewarding and priceless than watching your own baby fast asleep just like an angel, calm, beautiful and asleep!! Luckily for me suicide hour is over! Generally my kids are good sleepers we have our nights of musical beds and I’ve heard stories from friends of kids who are up continuously during the night, but for us it’s now mommies time and this is when I spend my time reflecting on what I could do better the next day.

What can I improve on not only as a mom but as a wife, friend and person.

Life has many many curve balls it throws at us and we may even not know how to dodge them all the time but it’s how we handle the process and then learn from it that truly counts.

Motherhood and parenthood is not for sissies but wouldn’t have it any other way.

Warm wishes all XX

Moving forward

A better you

The only way to move forward and upward is to gain peace and closure from your past experiences.

Most of us cannot get closure which makes us bitter and twisted and this is what stops the growth within.

By accepting the way the things are and to gain the confidence to know that’s not the way things will be is the only way to move forward and upward.

Leave negativity behind and concentrate on what lies ahead.

If you put all your energy into the things you can change, into the things that are ahead of you and into the people who really love you, wonderful things could happen.

Leave those who wish to hurt you behind. Those who remark behind your back, those who whisper about you, those who actually don’t matter way behind cause that’s exactly where they will forever be: behind you !!

Feed your soul with genuine people, people who only care for your well being, those who carry no jealousy or envy for you, these people will help you grow outside and within.

Mature beginnings are upon you when you surround yourself with positivity and those who inspire you. Think love, light, health and happiness and surely wealth, joy, peace, determination and growth will follow.

Enlighten your spirit with the fruitfulness of life and you’ll be pleasantly surprised what may be in store.

Follow your heart it knows the way.

warm wishes xx

Faces

It’s so funny how time can change people around you even if it’s that tiny amount.

How circumstances change the way people look and feel about you,

Even though you’re still the same you.

How you handle these things is actually what makes you a stronger person.

I can never hide who I am or change who I am.

This is me, I wear my heart on my sleeve and yes I trust willingly.

Who I am can never be compromised by circumstance.

I’ve learnt that leaving high school and growing up.

I can but only stand strong, be who God intended me to be and know that in the end all the different faces I come across even the ones I thought I recognize are not what defines me. I define me.

Be brave and never forget who you are.

Remember be gentle and kind to everyone you never know what could be going on.

Don’t change who you are.

Xxxx warm wishes

Fear of change

The word change itself is scary for me. I hate change. I love living in my own made bubble. Here you know what to expect, there’s no unpredictability. It’s safe and comfortable.

Some say this is when you should change. You should change jobs atleast every two years. Keep yourself stimulated and motivated. When you’re to comfortable you don’t grow within.

Yes as the above may be true I’m sure I’m among many who are just happy with the way things are. Happy to carry on each day doing your bit and meeting your daily goals. Happy with the best minimum. But this I’ve learnt is no way to stay. That putting yourself out there. Vulnerability is only going to overcome you if you allow it. Wear your heart on your sleeve, dong change who you are but remember where you started and why you changed the life you had with the one which is standing in front of you. Don’t go backwards only forwards.

What if life had a different story for you? Would you read it? Would you take the plunge and risk yourself by committing to change, even though it’s scares you senseless, some say this is apart of the adventure. Change is as good as a holiday. What if you’re not one to take risks, or holidays?

Well life has very quickly painted me a picture I’m not very familiar with. It makes me anxious and nervous but somewhere inside a little excited the future may be bright.

I’m writing a new chapter and taken the plunge to start something new. Sir Richard Branson once said;” If you get offered something you cannot refuse but do not know how to do it, take it and learn later”

So I guess I’ll be following that mans words of wisdom and put myself head to head with change.

Remembering where I’ve come from who is depending on me and the person I am, I’m believing this path the universe is making for me is the positive change I need. Trusting in the stars is a dicey one but having your loved ones support is all one needs.

Remembering the memories from the past will only make more memorable ones for the future.

Doing this, taking the leap and praying for a positive outcome.

Mabey change is something not to fear, but it’s the push we need.

Good luck to everyone our there who is facing change and remember we are our own worst enemy once we overcome ourselves the world is there for the taking.

Always warm wishes. Xx