From the day I found out I was pregnant there was this ” Mommy guilt ” I started to feel. This feeling of never being good enough or feeling you’re not doing enough to be the best you can be.
It never goes away.
Now years on this Mommy guilt just gets worse.
Taking the stress out of my everyday should mean that my patience jar should be absolutely empty, right? And I should never feel guilty as I should always be happy and patient ?? Nope !
Well being a mom is not that easy, sometimes I guess we forget that we are human too.
Best time of day waking my children up and seeing them surface in the early morning, nothing better than waking my babies up with a hug, kiss and plan to be the best mom I can be that day.
Forgetting the day before and starting fresh.
Next best part is fetching my children from school. This has always been my favourite time of day. Seeing them playing in the playground and noticing their Mommy is here to fetch them, not late and not stressed, ready for an afternoon together is what I’ve always prayed to be able to do. The relief I feel when I’m able to do this is amazing. The worst fear I have is not being there for my children when they expect me or think it’s me they’re going to see and it’s not. That is why I strive to make sure their little hearts are secure in knowing it will be me they see when it’s time to go.
Once our afternoons are in motion obviously the normal stresses of the day creep in. The siblings have their love/hate relationship and slowly you can feel yourself about to loose it.
This is not the mom I want to be. That is why I am giving myself so much time so when these moments arise I’m able to cope without throwing my toys out the cot too. Easier said than done.
Although 100 hundred times better from when I was a full time working mom I still tend to loose my marbles at times. This is what I am now working on each day.
There are ways and means of handling a situation without your kids thinking their mom needs the nut house.
There have been many not proud Mommy moments in the past which I have learnt from. I had so much guilt from not Being there for my children that now that I am surely all else will/ should fall into place. I really do think slowly this is happening or my children are getting older or we just learn how to handle situations better ?
Whichever it is I’m striving for going to bed with a clear happy and proud conscience. The mom they’ve always needed me to be.
I do believe every Mommy is human and we all have our faults, that is also why I play no judgement to the way other moms do things but I Also believe our children are our replicas and for them to be productive adults one day they can only learn from us.
So when I watch my child sleeping in my arms and this horrid Mommy guilt from the day has creeped over I also know that I’m only doing my best and that tom I will try harder, not only by being the best example I can for my children but I have a responsibility to raise polite and well rounded children not just now but for one day when they’re on their own starting their lives I know I’ve done all I can to give them the tools and building blocks to achieve their true potential and to be the best human being they can be.
I’m teaching my children to be Humble, Strong, Educated and overall a beautiful person inside and out making them believe that nothing is out of reach and mountains are to be climbed, with the confidence in knowing when they fall ill be right there to get them up again and start over.
This I feel is our job as mothers to build our children up to attainable goals physically and emotionally showing them how to create their life’s journey and to walk the path a few steps behind them.
If i get this right I know that “Mommy guilt” will be at bay and other worries can take over.
I know being a mom we will never be satisfied and truly our job is never done but this is what I signed up for and what brings me joy and heart ache at the same time. I know there’s so much to still come and so much to still learn and so so much to remember and cherish !!
Truly the most amazing gift God can give so mommy guilt I’ll have any day if it means having my children and I’d do it over and over again.
My job is not to be their friend but to show them what a friend can be.
And most importantly not to be hard on oneself about the mistakes as there will always be it’s how we learn to keep our guilt at bay by learning from previous situations to make the future ones smooth sailing…..
Warm wishes to all the beautiful mommies out there.