Finding yourself

Who are you

Growing up we go through many changes as such, we join so many groups and make friends with those we think we have many things in common.

Many of the latest trends phase out and we realize a lot of things are not for us.

We are trying to find out where we fit in, who we are and what we are good at as ultimately when we choose this is what we will be spending our lives doing.

We think we know

So heading straight out of school I knew I had a clear love for children. I started doing children’s parties painting faces and at the same time I was making a little money to put away.

I left school and joined a nursery school straight from the start. I loved my years teaching, learning about children and interacting with people day in and day out. Making many valuable friendships and memories. Something I will never forget it built me up to who I am today.

Who am I ?

So by spending pretty much 1/3 of life attending to my calling and new calling had reared it’s head.

Being a mom. All I’ve ever wanted to be. Is it so wrong to just be a mom. How this unexpected guilt has creeped up and how society expects more from us.

No we actually can’t just be moms and for people to think it’s ok. I know the only people we should worry about are those who are around us everyday. I know deep down it was the best thing I’ve done for my family and with that for myself too. Ofcourse I want to have more purpose but is it for me or for others. I feel every time mentioned as to what I am doing people judge yet they also do the same thing. I want to be my own boss make my own hours and answer to myself.

I want to only have my own made responsibility. For so long I longed for acceptance from those I worked for wanting to always do my best and do right by them. Shit it’s a lot in day when there are other worries that go on. I only want to be responsible for what I put myself into.

Yes I want to leave a legacy for my children. For long I thought if I am not a teacher or my children are older and do not need me who am I ? What am I ?

I know I need more for myself. But is it wrong to just be happy where I am now. Giving 110% of myself to my family and still being able to have time to myself.

I’ve never had this before mabey that’s why I feel so guilty.

I know what I’m looking for will come along. In the meantime I need to savor up all the time I have I have with my children.

I have done my fair share in judging I really try not too. Since becoming a mom and having a home and family I throw no judgment around yet I know I’m getting judged every single day of my life.

You think wrong

You think people are happy for you. They are not. I didn’t choose this I was happy being a working mom and trying to weigh up the odds this chose me. Why then do people look at you differently or continually ask what it is you’re doing or think you do absolutely nothing ?? Atleast those who have been my support or in my life all know the facts of where I am and where I’ve come from and that’s all that should be worth something.

Follow your heart

I probably in any dream I had never knew I would be blessed with what I have today. Number one my beautiful family. I feel the universe knows they need me and that’s what I’m doing. What I do with my extra seconds I want to dedicate doing something that compliments my already hectic schedule of being a mom. Something I’m proud of and enjoy and something my children can be apart of as they are my primary concern.

Following my heart is what I’m doing who I am is what I’m working on and what I’m going to do ??? Well let’s see only the future will tell ….

warm wishes all xxxx

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