Being a parent isn’t easy,
Wanting to do right by your kids is all you want. To make them happy, keep them stimulated, healthy and thriving.
Part of all of this is actually not being their friend.
I feel the more I am friends with my children the line between friend and authority/ parent becomes blurred.
And the harder the word no is to use.
I actually got to a place where they wouldn’t take no for an answer as if it were foreign coming out of my mouth but extremely fluent coming from them.
I’ve had to put many strategies into place and stay consistent with them to break the habit of the tables turning.
Remembering that I am the parent and tough love is actually a thing.
It’s better to stand your ground say no now than to have a spoilt brat on your hands later on. But saying no over and over again can have a negative quality too and may be a word your children might just tune out. Turn no into a positive by adding no not now, or mabey Tom, or explain to your child the reason of your decision to say no. I sometimes win but adding in that explanation as if I’ve said no sugar before bed they feel like why ?? When I’ve explained that sugar is bad before bed for all the many reasons they’re able to take my decision respectively and accept what I am telling them. Another great one is no not now, not declining their request just putting a hold on it till a more appropriate time just make sure when that time is more appropriate you can either accommodate their request or have a better explanation that will satisfy their why ??
Although it’s very difficult not to spoil your kids with what you can cause as parents that’s what we feel we should be doing. It’s actually hazardous to their growth. The word no needs to be exercised and understood and also taken without a tantrum and fight. That’s why short assertive explanations can help.
My eldest is able to reason and can take the word no or take an explanation that we are just not able to do that right now. My youngest is not quite there yet.
I’ve found the more consistent I’ve been with not giving in all the time the better behaved children I have. As their expectations all round have dropped. It’s taken a lot longer with my younger more dramatic child but slowly we are getting there.
There is also such a fine line and where to say ok I’ll do it, it’s not a problem or no It’s simply just not possible now, remember to add in the reasons why this helps.
It’s easy to turn the tables on them. As the word MOM is used about a billion times a day in our household if things that I’ve asked for have not been done I too will put my duties on strike. This is something the kids hate and when this is exercised they quickly fall back into place completing what has been asked of them.
Some will call it bribery and I call it smart as it works.
Their duties will never go unnoticed I feel having a star chart with a reward at the the end also works like a charm. It’s human nature to want to succeed and see their achievements.
There’s no more trips to the toy store for nothing. My eldest is also now given pocket money each week where he is able to either spend it or save it.
If their chart reflects great behavior with the completion of duties throughout the week this is where they will receive appreciation for it. They could possibly choose a place for us to have a meal that weekend or somewhere to go or an activity we can do as a family over giving them prizes that resemble monetary and material gifts. The kids actually prefer this too.
So as hard as it sometimes to disappoint those puppy dog eyes it’s also a feeling they need to learn and understand. Life is full of disappointment and unfairness as soon as they realize that they can’t have everything their little hearts desire without a little of their own input the better they will be able to be a useful and productive part of society.
So in conclusion NO within reason and with explanation is actually our friend and not a bad word to use often.
Xxxxx warm wishes