You’re on your own

You know we’ve all heard the expression “from 18 you’re on your own”

Lucky enough for me that phrase didn’t quite manufacture itself until I had my kids.

Although I look back at the times Where I did struggle and we went through hard times with not much support I do thank my stars for them as they’ve def made me stronger. Although family our family especially will always be there when needed it’s hard when your lives are not untwined into each others as they used to be. As much as I wanted my mom to help all the time there were things I had to just get going and do myself. But before this we were in each others lives all the time and I think that change of going from being completely dependent on those around you to suddenly not having anything is a big change.

Change is inevitable and it takes many strides to accept it and to carry on and also start your “life” in this new phase. I was blessed to have family constantly around my parents have been a huge part in both mine and my children’s lives. My husband has always been a worker but I always had my mom and dad. Shopping Saturday mornings wedding planning baby planning and baby helping is what I’m grateful our time together consisted of.

I’m actually really grateful for just the right amount of time my parents gave me. Once I was married and had my children they gave me the tools to go at it myself but always were there. Prepping me for time that they would not be.

My parents were both working still when they became grandparents and as much as I wanted to be there 24/7 with them they also have a life. Although many weekends all weekends were contributed to me and my family I still felt guilty for taking that time so never expected anything more. My parents were the right balance to getting me to be a mom myself and being there when I needed them. Giving me the balance.

My husband and I have always been with our children I would want it no other way and I believe this is why we had our children. We don’t expect grand parents or family to be handed our children on weekends so we can pretend our lives have never changed. Nope our lives and weekends are based around our children and we try to do things together as a family.

We don’t have the luxury of having grandparents on either side now being everyday actively involved. As our other set are still working and my parents have moved to retire. My selfish demons wish I could have kept them around long enough to have enjoyed their retirement with them but that’s not to say the time we do have together isn’t magic it is every time we are together, and the bond they share with my children has never been stronger.

I just didn’t realize back then that being “grown up” would have days that are so hard.

It scares me to when one day my children leave or grow up, what then ?

I don’t know how to do anything else except be a little persons mommy.

I miss them so much when they were babies that I wish I had held on a little tighter and a little longer back then. Time waits for no one and it’s flying right by us.

Which brings me to my conclusion of being so grateful I got what I needed to be able to

Go at it alone ……

family is everything and now with my little family of 4 it’s important I give the same tools to my children to become the people I pray for them to be. Independent and strong to be who they were destined to be.

When to step in

Sitting here tonight I sit with a heavy heart

One of fear that something one day will happen to my child my baby I dont care how old they get they will always be our babies

As a parent it’s an ongoing cycle trying to keep our kids happy and healthy

When they are away from us it’s out of our control

Hearing stories come home of my eldest not being happy at school today didn’t sit well with me, as a boy in his class constantly is controlling his actions (at such a young age they are so impressionable) and my child being a softie can so easily succumb to peer pressure

I’ve written about bullying before and we’ve all seen the aftermath

When do we as parents get involved

My child is upset everyday, so do I reach out and talk to his teacher

Would she even know what’s going on?

Could she even care as much as I do as it’s my little boy ?

But when your child comes home with the same consistent moan about a child who he actually adores scary enough it worries me

I have a rush of feelings and emotion run over me what if ?

What will my son do or become

He’s such a follower and the thought of not having friends is worse than the one of getting in trouble or doing something you’re against

I remember I’d die for my friends and only the strong survived. I did so many things just to make people my friends like me I got used a lot too and today I have 2 true friends so it got me no where but I wasn’t ready to listen to my mom who always knew best

I don’t want this for my child

I can only talk to him and explain my history with him but it’s not the same he may take it but the will to follow might exceed

It scares me for the bigger things later on

Wow I didn’t know being a mom could be so hard

When you hear how upset someone has made your child you just want to take over but you can’t

I know I need to give him the wings to fly and the confidence to say no

I just hope and pray I do and will have done enough to keep him safe forever I know he’s going to get hurt and we have a long journey ahead it just scares me and brings tears to my eyes that I cannot do it for him

That I cannot be his voice or his feet

That I cannot be beside him or heal his broken heart

I wish someone explained a little more how hard this feeling of not being able to control his every move or action is. That someday he will leave completely and do it all himself. This feelings kills me

But I do understand that later that shall come now I can still stand beside him fight for what’s right and put any little kid in his place who tries to control my boy

Because today I’m his mom and I have the choice to let it slide or hear my child. Today I choose to listen to my son and I will step in

I will be his voice before something happens later.

Best wishes all xxxx

Being a mom is hefty work

So of course going through pregnancy our bodies change so much.

First time around I did everything right. I ate the right foods I exercised I drank water and looked after my skin. I only put on 9 kg with my son and after he was born I lost 7kg straight away and another 4 a week later. I was back even below my starting weight of pregnancy. But little did I know bout all the evil things to come by being a mom.

First when you’re breastfeeding you’re starving so you’re still eating for two not always the ideal to loosing weight.

When baby starts solids you’re constantly tasting their food is it too hot is it too cold even found myself having a few spoons.

Once they hit toddler stage it’s always nice to have a few sweet treats in the house, which in fact become you when you hit a low.

And when they don’t finish their food it’s either mom or dad who do as wasting is not an option. Eeek how do you stay trim when all this consumes your everyday.

Now second pregnancy I put on double hitting a very uncomfortable weight but I did it all wrong, my cravings were many and were sweet no wonder my daughter has such a sweet tooth. Carbs were the flavor of the day and because running after a toddler and working as well as being 8 months pregnant is not enough trust me my exercise routine and me time went out the window.

So I think to myself WHAT is my excuse now.

It’s actually sticking to something. I know what’s good to eat and what’s not but meal prep is hard work although being at home I should have no excuse except at times it can be very costly. So looking into getting healthy food packs or just learning to tell yourself NO.

Having some restraint I was so good and disciplined before I had kids. Now I end up snacking on all the wrong things. And loosing weight and staying in shape is becoming an up hill battle.

I’ve upped my exercise tried to cut down on unhealthy foods we don’t drink during the week so alcohol is not the problem. What can it be. Can it be the older I’m getting my body and hormones are just at a point of working against me.

Well I think the first thing is to make a choice and when started to stay consistent but not to be too restricted that you land up throwing it all away. It’s true what they say you are what you eat and 70% is diet and only 30% is exercise so making that choice to start and not go back needs to be a change the whole family can join in.

Cutting out sugar is going to be the first thing we do.

Sugar is a secret killer we all know that but it’s so so hard to resist.

Baby baby steps

Finding a plan that suits you and your body type is A the first step to make doing a little research also is a good thing.

Going natural and back to to basics veggies and fruit and cooking with new and exciting fresh foods and tastes.

That’s a tall order when the day is near over and the kitchen calls but a choice for the family you have to make.

Let’s see what happens when mind and body try to stay as one.

It’s def going to be a long journey but I know one that’s the best to take.

Wish us luck xxx

Encouraging your kids to succeed

There’s many types of parenting out there:

The overly protective parent where sometimes success is inhibited from our sense of fear

The over achiever parent who won’t take loosing as an option

The competitive parent who basically competes in every race their child is in and lives their dreams through their children

The compliant parent who believes taking part and having fun is all the matters

And the encouraging parent who has a happy balance between all parenting styles

I won’t lie I’m a little of many of these.

I build my kids up not to fail but not high enough that when they fall they can’t take the disappointment, I encourage them to enjoy everything they take part in, win or loose and even at times inhibit certain tasks because of my own fear.

I feel children need that positive influence wether or not they are able to win or not.

Watching my son at his gala today humbled me watching the children who hate the water and who actually can’t swim put their fears aside and finish their race. Wow what an achievement and a victory in itself.

Also very proud of my boy taking first place in his category I didn’t forget to mention to him how he should congratulate all his competitors and friends who took part.

Yes proud of himself he was as early morning brought on anxiety before even starting his gala.

Anxiety of wondering “will I win?” Will I finish?” “What if I loose?” All the questions in my sons competitive little brain. Fortunately or unfortunately he inherited his competitive nature from his father. Which I love because it makes him believe in himself and strive to push himself harder but I try balance that streak with him knowing not everyone is able as he is and being able to swim fast or be talented in a sport is a blessing and also comes with hard work and dedication.

If you want to be the best you need to act like the best, work hard and play hard. Dedication and determination is what sets you apart.

I will continue to encourage my children to aim high in all they do but if they fail that is not the end of the world that taking part and completing is also part of the game. To enjoy yourself and not to be a sore loser. To try teach them the skill of being humble and modest over arrogance.

I find that if I know it’s impossible of a task for them to achieve e.g if my daughter wanted to become a singer but I knew that was not going to happen as you’re born with this type of talent I’d never encourage something I knew was out of reach but rather get them to tap into their natural born talents and interests and strengthen those.

Positive encouragement sometimes can be the difference between a child succeeding and giving up for good. Positive reinforcement gives a child a will to achieve and to keep going.

I will try to keep this up in my home. Encouraging sports and to let their little talents shine through. If I feel either one of my kids is truly talented in something I will do everything to back them and push them to succeed and grow and of course be their number one 1 fan.

Most importantly to be the best you can be you need to be a team player too. I think it’s so important for children to be part of a team to feel success and loss in a group to know what working together is all about. So I truly encourage team sports as well as individual performance but being apart of a team is so much bigger. The skills they learn and work on are the best lessons for life they can have, as at some point in life they will have to comply and be apart of team and to understand that it’s not just them as an individual, but that by not helping those alongside you it can mean a fail for you too.

So much to look forward to and so much to guide them along. We cannot wish for them to be someone we were not or were, all we can wish for is that they try their best in all they do and most importantly I try and instill in my kids to always finish something they’ve started even if they feel like giving up.

Wishing all the best to all the moms and dads out there to set a good example to all our little competitors and to relay the message that it’s about the game not winning or loosing that counts xx